Personal Lawn Service

A want a really green, well-trimmed lawn. But I don't want to hire a lawn service. And while I don't mind doing yard work, it sure would be nice to have a one.

So about ten years ago, I set about creating my own. And while it has taken some time, one of the boys officially crossed the "lawn mowing age" line today.

Happy birthday, Robbie--though I think I am the one that is finally getting the present this year.

Now get to work, the grass is getting long.

The Word of the Day is Pain, Fool.

Or suffering. Or soreness. Or whine. Or please make it stop.

Okay, so this last one isn't just one word. But since the magical day of waterskiing, I hurt. A lot. Stomach. Back. Arms. Quads.

It's almost as if my 40th birthday is figuratively right around the corner.

Maybe Losing Weight Was a Mistake

I'm feeling so conflicted right now...

Last week I finally reached my goal of losing twenty pounds, which at the time, seemed like a worthwhile accomplishment. Then I learned that women aren't exactly clamoring for skinny men.


So I'm officially no longer trying to lose weight. Although, I'm not sure it takes imported ale yeast concentrated 7 times to put on 5 to 15 pounds. A couple of pans of brownies should do the trick. Something to think about, Shawn.

Cool Ad for Nike Football (What The World Calls Football)

Not sure if this is real, but if it is, it's a pretty good shot...




Seriously, Everyone Should Have a Wife...

Even my wife should have a wife.

So Much for My Diet...

As some of you may know, since our trip to Disneyland, where my famous "abs" photo was taken, I've been trying to slim down a bit. The goal was to lose 20 pounds and muscle up a bit. And I was getting close. Very close. Achingly close.

Then tragedy struck.

Say goodbye to salads, and nuts, and berries, and protein shakes... I just learned that it is possible to make a bacon cheese burger using Krispy Kreme Donuts instead of a bun. Yes, this is true--apparently it's called a Luther burger. And it marks the official end of me ever trying to lose weight. With sugary, cheesy, bacony goodness like this, what's the point?

Actually I'm disappointed in my inability to invent this delicious meal myself.


It seems there is no end to American innovation. Lunch and desert in a single bite. I love this country! And here's what will be on the photoscrooge grill for the 4th this year.

Thanks for the tips, aldente blog.

Not Funny, Just Dumb

This is one of those posts that isn't really funny (sorry, Noelle's mom). Instead, it's one of those, "how dumb do they think we are?" posts.

In today's paper was a story about how more and more people are living in RVs and cars in California, because "of the foreclosure crisis and shaky economy." This is sad. Not trying to be funny, here, it really is sad. Read it here.

The reporter even interviews one of the people living in her RV--Darlene Knoll. They put her picture in the article, with a nice caption that reads, "Darlene Knoll, 53, lives in a battered 1978 motor home in Los Angeles with five dogs after losing her job and home five years ago..."

In other words, Darlene lost her home back when the economy was humming along, jobs were plentiful, and housing prices and the stock market were going up. She was living in her mobile home three full years before the housing crisis began.

So, if this is such a big crisis, why is Darlene the only person who was interviewed for the article? How exactly is Darlene representative of the trend? Or is this a case of a bad reporter, finding a single tragedy, and trying to shoe-horn it into a macro-narrative that has nothing to do with reality?

The AP doesn't say who the reporter is. But it's pretty obvious what he/she is: dumb, irresponsible, and manipulative. No wonder newspapers are losing subscribers and readers.

Two Anniversaries Worth Noting

Please forgive the PhotoScrooge while I get a little sentimental. I know, you're thinking, sentimentality is obviously one of my strong suits. So true.

There were two important anniversaries this past week. The first was Mom (the Hamster's namesake) and Pop's, yesterday. I think 46? Wish I had one of their natty photos from the New York period to post here--one where they look like extras off the set of a Rat Pack movie. Dean Martin had nothing on Pop. No wonder they have such attractive children (especially the first two born before the gene pool was seriously depleted). If any of their friends happen to be reading this, please plan on attending the 50th anniversary party four years from now (either a big party if Shawn or Matt makes his fortune, or a wienie roast in the park if they don't).

The other anniversary that must be noted was the passing of Karen Ann Quinlan, twenty-three years ago. Which reminded me of the passing of our own appropriately named Karen Ann, the green 1973 Chevy wagon (vinyl seats, AM/FM radio, roof-rack, extra rear-facing seat in back)--which despite at least two crashes (the guy who rammed us at Liberty Park and the teenage girl who sideswiped me on Guardsman), and a frozen engine block (Bear Lake in January), just kept on living. 

Ohh, the memories--riding in the back with the luggage on trips to California, the family reunion at Lake Arrowhead, pop's reluctance to stop for bathroom breaks, eating at Sambo's, getting truckers to honk their horns on I-15 between Las Vegas and San Bernardino--drives to Yellowstone and Bear Lake. Waiting in the car with the windows up ("don't open the doors for anyone!") while mom shopped at K-mart. 

A haiku in her honor.

The hole in our hearts will never be filled.

Not to be Outdone by a Couple of Upstarts...

Matt and Anne had their baby yesterday. A girl. Congratulations.

And of course, they moved right to the front of the suck-up line by naming her after mom. Well-halfway. Middle names don't really count. First names, that's the real honor.

Well, we're not about to be outdone by a bunch of younger siblings...

So we bought a hamster today and it's name is Judy. Not the middle name. The first name. Judy the Hamster. Just to prove that we love mom the most.

Nice try Matt and Anne.

Let's Hope He Doesn't Get into Berkley...

Today, the family prodigy was recognized for testing better than 90% of the other third graders in America, details here. Not bad. 

I'm hoping it doesn't lead to a scholarship at Berkley.

Why? Well if this photo is any indication, it's not exactly a bastion of intelligence. This picture was allegedly taken at a recent rally in Berkley. The sign was carried by a student at Berkley who is unhappy with the Chinese dictatorship's actions in Tibet and the world's willingness to let them host the Olympics any way.

 

Now, I know that what passes for education at most universities today skips a lot of boring stuff (like history) so students can learn about more important stuff like Philosophy and Star Trek, Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles, or Queer Musicology. But one would like to believe that they still teach something about the Nazis in one or two of those first year classes. Note to the sign holder, check this out.

Yeah, I'm thinking he'd be better off somewhere else.