I Will Never Win I Never

There's a game I've played at a couple of parties called "I Never." The point of the game, for those who haven't played before, is to win. You do this by not having done all the interesting (or mundane) things that the other players have done. Like not being in car wrecks. Or not attending grad school. Or not cleaning up vomit.

Here's how it works. You get ten points. And everyone takes turns saying something they've never done. If you've done it, you lose a point. Lose all ten points and you lose the game. The winner is the last person with points. Saying "I've never taken the winning shot in an NBA game" doesn't do much, unless you're playing with the San Antonio Spurs, but saying "I've never fallen asleep at church" will take away a point from just about everyone. 

Of course, it has to be true.

In the past, I've had a few good ones. I've never owned a cat (generally good for taking a point away from about 40% of the group). I've never downhill skiied. I've never read a Harry Potter book (this one takes a point from almost everyone). I've never seen Titantic. And the killer I Never, guaranteed to take away a point from every red-blooded American: I've never been inside a Costco. 

Until last week.

I went to Costco for the first time to get a card so I can buy cheap gas. And to get it, I had to go inside. So, I've lost my best I Never. And now I will never win I never.

I blame the morons who won't let us drill for cheap oil in ANWR.

Wait a minute, I Never is a drinking game? Man have I been doing it wrong.