The Photo Scrooge

Do they taste like turkey?

2011-11-11T15:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, let's be honest. If Butterball sold terriers with little red pop-outs that tell me there cooked just right, and families had traditions of eating them with lots of gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and finishing up with some pumpkin pie (and maybe a slice of the apple pie too) all while watching the Detroit Lions lose yet another football game on Thanksgiving day, we'll yeah, I probably would eat my dog.

Sorry, PETA.

Thank goodness for turkeys.

So Sad for Lots of Reasons...

2011-09-30T14:59:00.000-07:00

This is sad...

Because this business is still a great concept with so much potential.

Because we just placed 12 logos in the latest Logo Lounge Book (up from 9 last year).

Because we just had a logo design featured in Communication Arts.

Because we just completed our 100,000th logo project (and almost 200,000 projects overall).

Because there are at least 5 groups who would like to make an offer for the business or assets. But the answer has been an emphatic "no."

Because more than 300 people over the last ten years worked hard to create a lasting business. And succeeded.

Because almost 70 people will have lost their jobs in the past 14 months.

Because we successfully changed the design world for the better.

But mostly, it's sad because we're profitable.

A Reason to Live Until Next Year...

2010-11-18T15:58:00.000-08:00

Ainsley says it's "just like Santa vs. the Snowman."

Sun Chips Announces New, Even Louder Package

2010-08-27T14:00:00.000-07:00

Dallas, Texas—In a surprise move this morning, snack giant Frito Lay introduced a new and improved Thunder Bag, the latest leap forward in noisy packaging. Not satisfied with the obnoxiously noisy Sun Chips bag introduced into stores last January, company officials claim this new package will end all arguments about who has the loudest chip bags on the market.

“When customers reported back to us that opening the old bag only registered 95 decibels, we knew we could do better,” said Senior Vice President of Package Innovations and lead engineer, Dennis Wheeler. “I mean, that’s the equivalent of a subway train at 200 feet. It takes prolonged exposure to cause hearing loss at that level. We wanted something a bit more noticeable.”

And noticeable is what the Sun Chips team delivered. The new bag reportedly registers 125 decibels when opened—the level at which sound becomes painful.

When the previous incarnation of the bag was introduced, sales began to fall. “We heard reports that customers weren’t buying the new bags. And immediately we knew it was because they simply weren’t loud enough,” replied spokesman James Bates, when asked why the company was introducing the new bags now. “Customers don’t just want to wake their children with a late night snack. They want to wake the whole neighborhood!”

Where the older bags were made from a plant-based material called polylactic acid, the new bags are made from a newly developed polymer code named “deafenium”, with an even higher glass transition temperature, the root of the bag’s loud crackle.

When asked what the future of loud packaging held, Wheeler promised even more exciting advances in the months to come. “My job as an engineer is to constantly improve all our packages. We’ve barely scratched the surface with this new bag. The loudest noise ever recorded was 194 decibels, so we can still do better. We want a package so loud it can be heard in the middle of a Jerry Bruckheimer movie.”

Inspiration.

The Need I Will Never Satisfy...

2010-04-12T18:19:00.000-07:00

I am suddenly feeling a little insecure.

I can picture this happening to me

2010-04-04T17:32:00.001-07:00

I was going to post a few photos from my ride on Friday, but then I saw this. The photos will have to wait.

And so it goes...

2010-03-21T21:49:00.000-07:00

This Makes Me Laugh...

2010-03-19T18:42:00.001-07:00

I've never tried Chat Roulette. Don't think I would enjoy it. In fact, looking at the people in the following video, I know I wouldn't enjoy it. But this guy found a way to make me enjoy his chat roulette.

Sorry in advance for the swearing...

And my boys don't think learning to play the piano is a good use of their time.

Seven Colors. That's About It.

2010-03-04T17:12:00.000-08:00

Plus, maybe black.

U.S. Olympic Snowboard Committee Announces Radical New Advance in Equipment

2010-02-19T16:56:00.000-08:00

Vancouver, CA: Just hours after a historic win by American Snowboarder Shawn White in the half pipe competition, executives from the U.S. Olympic Snowboard Committee announced they would be adding a new piece of equipment to the official uniform next year. The new equipment is still in testing, but is code named “the belt” and is designed to help hold up the snowboarder’s pants.

Greg Dacyshyn, Senior Vice President of Creative at Burton, the uniform sponsor, who was present for the announcement, said, “We’ve had really good results from our initial tests and will be testing ‘the belt’ with a few select riders in competitions in the coming months.” He expected wider adoption after the initial test phase.

The new equipment is designed to fit around the athlete’s waist and support his trousers. It leverages the performance benefits of GORE-TEX® fabric, the official fabric of the 2010 U.S. Snowboarding Team’s Olympic outerwear. One of the members of the women’s team was actually seen sporting “the belt” in the Olympic competition this year.

The athletes appeared enthusiastic about this revolutionary advance in equipment. Scott Lago, who won the Bronze medal with a stunning performance of the double cork, modeled the new equipment and noted, “I was skeptical at first. I mean, my dad wears one... it seemed so useless. But after I tested it, I noticed less snow in my ass when I would fall.” Seth Wescott, winner of the gold medal in the Snowboard Cross competition agreed. “It helps keep my pants right at mid-thigh height when I ride. No more pulling my pants up from my knees on a particularly gnarly crash.”

When asked what’s next for the equipment engineering team, officials were notably secretive, but one engineer let slip that the team was studying the use of a new item code named “suspenders,” saying someone got the idea from watching old Mork And Mindy reruns. The team is thinking the rainbow pattern might go really well with the plaid coats unveiled just before competition this year. He continued, “The result will be a progressive and fresh look that challenges the former conservatism of the Olympics.”

This is one model of the revolutionary new equipment called “The Belt” under consideration for use by the U.S. Olympic Snowboard Team.

Happy Valentines Day

2010-02-14T16:28:00.001-08:00

Proof: There is a God. He is merciful.

2010-01-12T09:25:00.000-08:00

Link.

Today the sunshines a little brighter. The birds sing a little louder. And hundreds of poor fathers are saved from that wretched hell-hole.

LOTOJA

2009-09-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, since just about everyone else has posted about it (Melissa, Scott, and Shawn on FB), I guess I had better too. For those who don't know LOTOJA, here's an idea of the elevation changes over the 200 miles between Logan and Jackson. This always makes me smile.

And now that I've spent an hour or so scanning through all the over-priced photos at Zazoosh, I though I'd post a few of the options I have for my next mouse pad (just $19.95) or 15-oz. photo mug (a very reasonable $22.95). [Mom and Pop, if you're still looking for ideas for a graduation gift... kidding.] Seriously, it would take a 15-oz. mug just to fit this chubby biker's gut on my next sugary serving of Steven's Extra Dark:

Overall, it was a very good day. Felt good on the climbs—faster than I've climbed in the past, which, let's be honest, wouldn't take much of an improvement. I get passed by old people on Lil Rascals anytime the road points upwards. And I was surprised how fast we were able to ride on some of the flats—28 mph at times with very little effort.

The only real pain was in the last 40 miles or so, when my feet were on fire. Palms, feet, and seat take most of the bumps and pressure, so they get a little sore, but the balls of my feet were screaming. Riding up the canyon, I just wanted to soak my dogs in the Snake River and watch the steam rise...

Here we are coming off the summit in Strawberry Canyon, headed toward Bear Lake Valley. Me, Troy, then Shawn. First rule of downhill: Always put the fat guy in front to block the wind for the skinny guys. Notice there's no one in front of me.

As always, it was nice to have a few fans cheering us on. The early start meant fewer people between Logan and Preston, but there were plenty of people in Jackson, including the nice lady who was squirting bikers with her hose as we went by. Except for this guy:

How do you think my butt feels, Asweepay?

Placed 175th in the fun ride... out of more than 400 that started. Now I've finished four—04, 05, 06, and 09. I'm too close to five to not ride again next year, so the plan is to train smarter, lose more weight, and win King of the Mountains, which will only require me to take about nine or ten minutes off my climbing time of 23:05. And maybe we can finish in less than 11 hours?

Here's hoping that both Troy, Shawn, and even Scott decide to add just one more.

Observations On the News Today...

2009-06-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

Oh those pesky Republicans. According to this report, they are using "buzz words" to make the president look bad. Among the scary buzz words they are using: "nationalize" and "socialist".

From the article: "Republicans are honing an attack line against President Barack Obama in an attempt to play on Americans' fears of government overreach and economic uncertainties, suggesting he is nationalizing American industry and socializing medicine."

Hmmm.

Is it just me or did the president not engineer the federal government's take-over of Chevrolet and Chrysler. The government has now provided just under $50 billion for a 72.5% ownership share in GM.

Here's how dictionary.com defines the scary buzz word, nationalize: "to bring under the ownership or control of a nation, as industries and land: a movement to nationalize the oil industry." Sounds about right to me.

And, of course, the president's been talking all week about providing healthcare coverage for everyone, otherwise known as social medicine. What kind of a person favors scrapping a medical system that works relatively well for 85% of Americans for a government run, rationed, medical program that will work well for no one? A Canadian. Okay, that was a trick question. Other acceptable answers include "a socialist".

But the liberal water carriers at the Associated Press think this is "sloganeering". No wonder newspapers are going out of business around the country.

And then there is this report, where our illustrious vice president says that the stimulus is working, just not very quickly. Note to the AP: "not very quickly" is a buzz word that means "not at all."

Biden says, everyone guessed wrong. Ummm, not exactly. There are a lot of conservatives that guessed exactly right on this.

This is pretty cool. Lucky... unlucky... I vote lucky.

Finally, God bless the protesters in Iran.

Now it all makes sense...

2009-06-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

This is why you're fat.

Seriously, who doesn't like deep fried lard balls dipped in sugar?

Or deep fried cheese burgers?

Mmmmmm.

Finding Something to Drink in Prague...

2009-05-26T20:46:00.000-07:00

The Czech Republic is known for its beer. But, that doesn't really work for me. Fortunately the Coke in Europe is very good--if you can find it cold--I think its made with sugar instead of corn syrup. And the tap water was really tasty, but almost impossible to find. No drinking fountains. It's not served in restaurants even when you ask for it. So I was thirsty for about half of the trip.

At one point, Jason and I stepped inside a small corner store up the street from our hotel to find a Coke and maybe some fruit for lunch, when we discovered a real specialty. Unfortunately I only had about 25 crowns and this potent* little beverage cost more than 40. I'm still wondering what it tastes like. Though in hind sight, I'm not sure this is the stuff you should drink when one is traveling sans-spouse for almost two weeks.

Prague Castle and Cathedral...

2009-05-25T16:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, Judy... this is for you.

Now that school is over, I'm going to try to be a little more consistent about posting a few things to my blog—at least until I start my PhD.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to return to Prague and Budapest (Jim and I visited both cities during our Tour d' Europe in 1994). Here are a few of the pictures I took in Prague...

Today we start with a few shots of the castle and cathedral...

The front gate was guarded the first day, but when we walked up a few days later, we could walk through to the court yard behind...

Looking up at the spires at the front of the cathedral...

A shot of the gargoyles hanging over the street at the side of the cathedral...

A bronze of the 12 apostles and Jesus over the main door...

From behind the building...

At night from across the river...

And the Charles bridge in the foreground...

I Hear Phantom is Playing at the Venitian...

2008-11-26T08:04:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Please Remain in Your Seats After the Game...

2008-11-23T11:33:00.001-08:00

No, seriously, PLEASE remain in your seats after the game for a special presentation...

Best line of the night: Pop asked, "I wonder what Austin Collie did this year so he wasn't blessed for doing the right things like last year?"

A Gift or a Loan...

2008-11-13T10:27:00.000-08:00

Things that Suck

2008-11-04T18:30:00.000-08:00

With that last post, I got a pretty good negative vibe going. So to keep that up (and to play yin to the Scrapbook Nazi's yang), I offer the following list of stuff I hate in addition to Halloween:

1. Olives. And Beets.

2. Riding my bike 200 miles in a snow storm.

3. Green Dots.

4. People who drive while texting.

5. Clogs.

6. Costume parties.

7. The Las Vegas Strip.

8. Precious Moments figurines.

9. Fat people in lycra.

10. Boils.

11. Michael Savage.

12. Sprint.

13. Lists.

14. People who smell like soup.

15. Shoveling dog poop.

16. Firing people.

17. Snakes.

18. Back hair.

19. The Last Starfighter.

20. Broken water mains.

21. Shopping.

22. Slivers.

23. American Idol.

24. Cats.

25. Casseroles made with mushroom soup.

26. Losing.

27. Faux hawks.

28. Speeding tickets.

29. The NBA.

30. Actors who think their political opinions matter.

31. Fillet-O-Fish.

32. Pyracantha bushes.

33. Winter.

34. Clutter.

35. Being late.

36. Global warming hype.

37. Selling stock at a loss.

38. Socks with holes in the toes.

39. Crashes when you haven't saved your data.

40. Zits inside your nose.

41. That milking thing Aggies do when they sing the school song. Come to think of it, their fight song may be one of the worst "fight" songs ever.

42. Forgetting garbage day.

43. Bunko.

44. Negativity.

45. Field bindweed.

46. Candy corn.

47. Afternoon church.

How much do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.

2008-10-31T09:52:00.000-07:00

I despise Halloween.

I hate dressing up. I really hate dressing up.

I hate that my kids dress up, and fight about which costumes they get to wear, and cry when someone else puts the one set of vampire teeth in their mouth.

I especially hate there are costumes strewn around the house for two weeks.

I hate how hyper my kids get because they're hopped up on candy.

I hate the Monster Mash, and Thriller, and Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. (But I do like Boingo, oddly enough.)

I hate the gore, and the fake blood, and the grotesqueness of it all.

I hate that a half day of work is lost to people walking around checking out what everyone else is dressed up as.

I hate the the other half of the day is lost to handing out candy to fellow coworker's kids who come to the office in their costumes.

I hate that I have to hand out candy for several hours at night to a bunch of kids I've never seen before. They don't go to school with my kids. They don't go to church with my kids. They pour out of minivans, bussed from other neighborhoods where apparently people hand out salt water taffy and raisins instead of Milky Way bars.

I hate that my dog barks every time the door bell rings.

I hate when 16 year olds show up on my door step as if it's okay for them to still be trick or treating like they're five. Some don't even bother with costumes.

I hate buying groceries from a cashier dressed like Elvira, mistress of the dark. Or making a deposit at the bank to someone dressed like Howdy Doody.

But this year, I hate Halloween even more because I have to work near this guy:

Yes, it's a costume. And no, it is not right. Be thankful I didn't post the full frontal shot.

Some Progress...

2008-10-03T07:59:00.001-07:00

Blue.. No, Pink.

2008-09-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

More photos documenting the ongoing chaos...

Still eating a lot of cereal...

I Think I Just Felt the Earth Move...

2008-09-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

With discoveries like this, I can see why we need more funding for science.

This kind of advance can only happen in America. (I am now humming the national anthem softly to myself--and, likely, so are you.)

Although, the article makes me feel sorry for all those women over 45 who's only "sanctuary for quality time" is their water closet.

One Week Later...

2008-09-09T13:44:00.001-07:00

Since the Photo Nazi hasn't been able to do any updates on the remodel--her computer is in the shop, here are a few more photos taken with the uber phone...

Standing in the living room, looking into the kitchen. All the new 2x4s are braces for the new support beam so we can take out the older 2x4s in the middle of the photo. If all goes well, this will all be open area when we are done. If all goes poorly, we'll be looking for a new house (and selling some pretty sweet cabinets on Craig's List).

Standing in the old dining room (soon to be the den) looking into the kitchen (more of the bracing for the new support beam)...

Looking into the living room from the kitchen/dining area...

This is the second dumpster full. I'm going to miss that old banister. And the ceiling. A moment of silence, please...

Which brings me to the point of the last couple of posts. As you can see, we have no kitchen. And that means we're getting hungry. Anyone with an extra pot roast, some potatoes (I'm particularly fond of the sweet variety, baked), and perhaps a pan of brownies or Golden Graham s'mores, well, I know a very needy family right about now...

Day Three Update

2008-09-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

So far...

We have completely filled two big dumpsters...
The walls and ceiling are mostly gone...
Dust covers everything...
Kitchen cabinets sitting on the balcony...
Garage filled with two ovens, dishwasher, and stove top...
Cereal for most meals...
Now considering redoing the roof, too...
Project appears to be getting more expensive than planned..
The whole family spends the night together crammed in the basement...

Considering family counseling.

I Guess this Means Take Out for Dinner?

2008-09-03T08:59:00.001-07:00

On the bright side, I do know the location of a very good place for breakfast, which is kind of on the way to work.

Finally A Good Reason To Dislike the Chinese

2008-08-14T09:39:00.000-07:00

I've recently been accused by the scrapbook nazi of being a cynic when it comes to the Olympics. I don't believe the International Olympic Committee lives up to the high standards they espouse. And that makes all the high-minded talk a little hypocritical in my book. (See 1972 US Men's Basketball team for example).

And, just in time to prove my point, we have a new reason to dislike the Chinese. Forget Tianamen Square. And Tibet. And the whole friends-with-North-Korea thing. This is serious.

Apparently the Chinese Women's Gymnastic Team isn't made up of women at all. They're little girls--too young to compete in the Olympics. One of them is so young she's still losing her baby teeth. You can read the story here.

Perhaps the Chinese should go back and read the Olympic Creed: "The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well." Unless, of course, nationalistic (or is it communistic?) pride and progaganda are on the line.

Or we can just call the Olympics for what they are: two weeks of commercialized sports event where the host, Olympic committees, and sponsors use (mostly) amateur athletes to make gobs of money. Sounds like the international version of the NCAA.

Bliss...

2008-08-08T20:15:00.000-07:00

Personal Lawn Service

2008-07-31T19:41:00.000-07:00

A want a really green, well-trimmed lawn. But I don't want to hire a lawn service. And while I don't mind doing yard work, it sure would be nice to have a one.

So about ten years ago, I set about creating my own. And while it has taken some time, one of the boys officially crossed the "lawn mowing age" line today.

Happy birthday, Robbie--though I think I am the one that is finally getting the present this year.

Now get to work, the grass is getting long.

The Word of the Day is Pain, Fool.

2008-07-25T16:42:00.000-07:00

Or suffering. Or soreness. Or whine. Or please make it stop.

Okay, so this last one isn't just one word. But since the magical day of waterskiing, I hurt. A lot. Stomach. Back. Arms. Quads.

It's almost as if my 40th birthday is figuratively right around the corner.

Maybe Losing Weight Was a Mistake

2008-07-21T15:26:00.001-07:00

I'm feeling so conflicted right now...

Last week I finally reached my goal of losing twenty pounds, which at the time, seemed like a worthwhile accomplishment. Then I learned that women aren't exactly clamoring for skinny men.

So I'm officially no longer trying to lose weight. Although, I'm not sure it takes imported ale yeast concentrated 7 times to put on 5 to 15 pounds. A couple of pans of brownies should do the trick. Something to think about, Shawn.

Cool Ad for Nike Football (What The World Calls Football)

2008-07-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

Not sure if this is real, but if it is, it's a pretty good shot...

Seriously, Everyone Should Have a Wife...

2008-07-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

Even my wife should have a wife.

So Much for My Diet...

2008-07-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, since our trip to Disneyland, where my famous "abs" photo was taken, I've been trying to slim down a bit. The goal was to lose 20 pounds and muscle up a bit. And I was getting close. Very close. Achingly close.

Then tragedy struck.

Say goodbye to salads, and nuts, and berries, and protein shakes... I just learned that it is possible to make a bacon cheese burger using Krispy Kreme Donuts instead of a bun. Yes, this is true--apparently it's called a Luther burger. And it marks the official end of me ever trying to lose weight. With sugary, cheesy, bacony goodness like this, what's the point?

Actually I'm disappointed in my inability to invent this delicious meal myself.

It seems there is no end to American innovation. Lunch and desert in a single bite. I love this country! And here's what will be on the photoscrooge grill for the 4th this year.

Thanks for the tips, aldente blog.

Not Funny, Just Dumb

2008-06-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

This is one of those posts that isn't really funny (sorry, Noelle's mom). Instead, it's one of those, "how dumb do they think we are?" posts.

In today's paper was a story about how more and more people are living in RVs and cars in California, because "of the foreclosure crisis and shaky economy." This is sad. Not trying to be funny, here, it really is sad. Read it here.

The reporter even interviews one of the people living in her RV--Darlene Knoll. They put her picture in the article, with a nice caption that reads, "Darlene Knoll, 53, lives in a battered 1978 motor home in Los Angeles with five dogs after losing her job and home five years ago..."

In other words, Darlene lost her home back when the economy was humming along, jobs were plentiful, and housing prices and the stock market were going up. She was living in her mobile home three full years before the housing crisis began.

So, if this is such a big crisis, why is Darlene the only person who was interviewed for the article? How exactly is Darlene representative of the trend? Or is this a case of a bad reporter, finding a single tragedy, and trying to shoe-horn it into a macro-narrative that has nothing to do with reality?

The AP doesn't say who the reporter is. But it's pretty obvious what he/she is: dumb, irresponsible, and manipulative. No wonder newspapers are losing subscribers and readers.

Two Anniversaries Worth Noting

2008-06-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

Please forgive the PhotoScrooge while I get a little sentimental. I know, you're thinking, sentimentality is obviously one of my strong suits. So true.

There were two important anniversaries this past week. The first was Mom (the Hamster's namesake) and Pop's, yesterday. I think 46? Wish I had one of their natty photos from the New York period to post here--one where they look like extras off the set of a Rat Pack movie. Dean Martin had nothing on Pop. No wonder they have such attractive children (especially the first two born before the gene pool was seriously depleted). If any of their friends happen to be reading this, please plan on attending the 50th anniversary party four years from now (either a big party if Shawn or Matt makes his fortune, or a wienie roast in the park if they don't).

The other anniversary that must be noted was the passing of Karen Ann Quinlan, twenty-three years ago. Which reminded me of the passing of our own appropriately named Karen Ann, the green 1973 Chevy wagon (vinyl seats, AM/FM radio, roof-rack, extra rear-facing seat in back)--which despite at least two crashes (the guy who rammed us at Liberty Park and the teenage girl who sideswiped me on Guardsman), and a frozen engine block (Bear Lake in January), just kept on living.

Ohh, the memories--riding in the back with the luggage on trips to California, the family reunion at Lake Arrowhead, pop's reluctance to stop for bathroom breaks, eating at Sambo's, getting truckers to honk their horns on I-15 between Las Vegas and San Bernardino--drives to Yellowstone and Bear Lake. Waiting in the car with the windows up ("don't open the doors for anyone!") while mom shopped at K-mart.

A haiku in her honor.

The hole in our hearts will never be filled.

Not to be Outdone by a Couple of Upstarts...

2008-06-10T20:51:00.000-07:00

Matt and Anne had their baby yesterday. A girl. Congratulations.

And of course, they moved right to the front of the suck-up line by naming her after mom. Well-halfway. Middle names don't really count. First names, that's the real honor.

Well, we're not about to be outdone by a bunch of younger siblings...

So we bought a hamster today and it's name is Judy. Not the middle name. The first name. Judy the Hamster. Just to prove that we love mom the most.

Nice try Matt and Anne.

Let's Hope He Doesn't Get into Berkley...

2008-06-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

Today, the family prodigy was recognized for testing better than 90% of the other third graders in America, details here. Not bad.

I'm hoping it doesn't lead to a scholarship at Berkley.

Why? Well if this photo is any indication, it's not exactly a bastion of intelligence. This picture was allegedly taken at a recent rally in Berkley. The sign was carried by a student at Berkley who is unhappy with the Chinese dictatorship's actions in Tibet and the world's willingness to let them host the Olympics any way.

Now, I know that what passes for education at most universities today skips a lot of boring stuff (like history) so students can learn about more important stuff like Philosophy and Star Trek, Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles, or Queer Musicology. But one would like to believe that they still teach something about the Nazis in one or two of those first year classes. Note to the sign holder, check this out.

Yeah, I'm thinking he'd be better off somewhere else.

If I Had a Quarter Every Time This Happened...

2008-06-05T20:14:00.001-07:00

Who hasn't been at the car dealer, ready to throw down something like 40 large (or more) on a new Lincoln Continental or a Cadillac Escalade EXT, when you stopped and thought, maybe I should spend my hard-earned cash on a Beretta Tomcat 32 Automatic instead? Serious dilemma, right? I know, happens all the time.

Problem solved.

Image found at Ben McConnel's blog, Church of the Customer, though I don't think Ben truly appreciates the service this great American is doing for all of us. Soooey!

Incidentally, I was reading the Max Motors Guns Fact Sheet which says that 6850 times a day gun owners use their guns to defend themselves. And only 8% of the time does that result in the shooter wounding or killing the attacker. Hmmm. 8% of 6850 is just 548 people killed or wounded in self defense a day. Wonder why we don't hear more about that? Conspiracy!

A Problem With Which I Am Familiar

2008-06-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

This guy has a problem.

Unfortunately, I have the same problem. Books seem to multiply in our house. They are stacked two deep on some shelves, hidden in boxes, and completely fill our shelves. We simply don't have room for more, although that will have no impact on our book buying decisions in the future.

However, we did make some progress in reducing our load this week.

Thanks to the undisclosed crack in our foundation, we had to clear out two rooms in the basement. And by clear out, I mean, everything had to go. Good-bye moldy, orange carpet (the scrapbook nazi would say good riddance). Good-bye wood paneling glued, not nailed, to the walls. Good-bye akwardly built storage bench and pull-down movie screen that we never used. Good-bye death couch. Good-bye rickety, rusting storage shelves left behind by the previous homeowner. You were all so good to me.

And good-bye six boxes crammed with books we finally decided we will never read again. Mostly text books, but there were a few others, including the SN's well-loved (two stars) copy of The Bridges of Madison County, quite possibly the worst book ever written.

So we still have something like 50 boxes worth of books crammed on shelves and hidden away in storage, but 2008 is shaping up as the first year in our lives that we got rid of more books than we took in (it may be close).

In some ways that feels like progress, but I will always miss my copy of Living with Nuclear Weapons.

Hint, Hint...

2008-05-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm not very helpful when it comes cleaning toilets or doing dishes. I just don't have it in me. Being the only kid who did dishes for something like six years will do that--hold you comments Melissa, it's true.

But finding this note taped to the dishwasher when I woke up, was a little much.

Update: So before the Scrapbook Nazi gets too upset, I have to admit, she didn't actually tape it to the dishwasher. But she thinks it every time I put dishes on the counter. Can't remember where I found the image...

Haiku

2008-05-20T21:48:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I got the idea that it might be fun to write a new haiku every day. I think the inspiration came from reading one of James Taranto's Bye-kus (a haiku celebrating the departure of candidates from the Presidential race). You can see some samples here. But I was too busy to start...

Apparently I'm not the only one who had this thought. One of my coworkers began blogging a new haiku almost every day a couple of months ago. You can read them here (May 20 is about me). Don't miss April 20, which apparently is based on a true story.

So today I'm unveiling my new collection of haiku--a new one every day, maybe more on some days. You can read them here. Actually, it's not much of a collection, just one about that coworker. More to follow (so add the feed to your readers).

And in case you don't like my haiku, I highly recommend these, inspired by David Hasslehoff.

Stan is the Man.

2008-05-14T16:03:00.000-07:00

As the scrapbook nazi noted on her blog, we recently saw Iron Man. Very cool show. And it features the best Stan Lee cameo yet. To celebrate, here's a clip of previous appearances, not including his latest..

* In case you aren't a superhero nerd (like me), Stan Lee is the guy who invented most of the characters in the Marvel universe, including SpiderMan, the Fantastic Four, and the Avengers.

I Will Never Win I Never

2008-05-13T17:13:00.002-07:00

There's a game I've played at a couple of parties called "I Never." The point of the game, for those who haven't played before, is to win. You do this by not having done all the interesting (or mundane) things that the other players have done. Like not being in car wrecks. Or not attending grad school. Or not cleaning up vomit.

Here's how it works. You get ten points. And everyone takes turns saying something they've never done. If you've done it, you lose a point. Lose all ten points and you lose the game. The winner is the last person with points. Saying "I've never taken the winning shot in an NBA game" doesn't do much, unless you're playing with the San Antonio Spurs, but saying "I've never fallen asleep at church" will take away a point from just about everyone.

Of course, it has to be true.

In the past, I've had a few good ones. I've never owned a cat (generally good for taking a point away from about 40% of the group). I've never downhill skiied. I've never read a Harry Potter book (this one takes a point from almost everyone). I've never seen Titantic. And the killer I Never, guaranteed to take away a point from every red-blooded American: I've never been inside a Costco.

Until last week.

I went to Costco for the first time to get a card so I can buy cheap gas. And to get it, I had to go inside. So, I've lost my best I Never. And now I will never win I never.

I blame the morons who won't let us drill for cheap oil in ANWR.

Wait a minute, I Never is a drinking game? Man have I been doing it wrong.

Sleestaks!

2008-04-30T19:24:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, the only "monster" I remember being really afraid of was the Sleestak. The nastiest of the bad guys in The Land of the Lost. Worse than Grumpy the T-Rex. I think it was the hissing. And the eyes. And the cross bows.

It won't be long before we can see the Sleestaks again in a new movie remake of Sunday morning's best television show. News report here. Too bad the movie stars Will Ferrell, who will undoubtedly ruin this show like just about every other movie he's been in. Or maybe the Sleestaks will get him.

If the Croft brothers are selling off the movie rights to all their shows we'll soon be able to watch Sygmond and the Seamonsters and H. R. Pufnstuf on the big screen too. Sweet!

No Reason, Except Um, He's a Bear

2008-04-30T18:54:00.001-07:00

Not to make light of what was undoubtedly a horrible tragedy, but this is just silly. Last week a bear named Rocky killed a trainer in California. It's the same bear that wrestled with Will Ferrell in the movie, Semi-Pro. Too bad the bear didn't eat Ferrell. The news report from AP had this headline, "Bear Gave Off No Reason for Concern Before Trainer's Death."

No reason, except maybe that bears are carnivores and people are made out of meat. But maybe the reporter meant no other reason.

Don't miss the last line of the article: "they're not cold-blooded killers." Nope they're definitely not that. They're hot-blooded killers.

The proof is here and here and here.

My New Diet

2008-04-30T18:41:00.001-07:00

Okay, from the photo I posted on Sunday, it's obvious I need to go on a diet. But the whole, low calorie, lots of exercise thing is getting old. And it doesn't last forever, so I'm thinking of a new approach.

Like this one.

Losing more than 100 pounds in eight months while eating 2-3000 calories a day. That's my kind of diet. Oh, and all the television you can watch until lights out. Just don't drop the soap in the shower.

My Favorite Photo from Our Vacation

2008-04-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, some people say that you shouldn't post this kind of personal stuff on the web because future potential employers will find it and that job offer will disappear faster than warm brownies at Family Home Evening, but here goes...

Here's my favorite photo from our vacation. As you can see, I don't photograph well. The Scrapbook Nazi took it in our hotel room, just a few minutes before I took the kids swimming. In case you can't see my six-pack, I've outlined each ab in red.

Enjoy...

Things I Learned on My Trip to California

2008-04-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

By now everyone knows we spent a few days enjoying blue skies and heat stroke last week. For more details, read this. But this vacation was more than a few days off, it was a learning experience. Since most of you weren't able to join us, I thought I would share a few of the things I learned this past week. (Full disclosure: some of these things I already knew, but they were reconfirmed in a big way.)

1. Parowan was founded in 1851.

2. Most children can live for days on a diet of nothing more than pop tarts, french fries, and funnel cakes without any apparent ill effects.

3. There are two types of women in the world--those who should wear thongs, and those who shouldn't. If you aren't employed holding a brief case for Howie Mandell, you are likely in the second group. Note to the woman with the thong pulled halfway up her back without any apparent discomfort, sitting in front of me during the Seamore and Clyde Save the Day show at Seaworld: you are definitely in the second group.

4. My wife has no interest in being photographed in front of the world's largest thermometer. I know, I wouldn't have believed it myself, if I hadn't been there.

5. It is definitely a small world--I ran into two different classmates from school and saw two people I went to high-school with at the happiest place on earth.

6. Disneyland is much better when Small World is closed for renovations. Much better.

7. Freezing cold water is not enough to keep fully clothed boys out of the ocean.

8. The tops of your feet burn more easily than any other part of the body (actually, I haven't tested this hypothesis on every part of the body, but feet definitely rank in the top three).

9. My mental age is "in my 50s" which is probably lower than my physical age at the moment. Thanks Brain Age.

10. Hotel showers generally rock. Hotel mattresses generally suck.

The Best Part of Coming Home

2008-04-21T22:15:00.000-07:00

The best part of coming home from vacation is the stack of newspapers that has collected over the past nine days. Oh sure, I read the USATodays at the hotel, but it's not the same. It only took 4.5 hours to get through the local papers. I polished off another three of The Wall Street Journals while watching tonight's Jazz game. Only four more issues to go.

And while the pages of sports, opinion, and news provide a much needed data fix, the very best part of catching up on the old papers was getting to read two episodes of Prince Valiant in a single week. Sweet!

I can already hear Melissa saying, "Oh my Ralph."

Damn You Melissa

2008-04-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

I hate the thought of getting tagged. And to be tagged with an alphabet-themed list of crap to write about gets my knickers in a twist. But I'm nothing if not a team player. A real peacemaker. Go along to get along, that's what people say about Photoscrooge. So I'll play at your silly little game, but I'll be using the metric alphabet (the decibet) to save some time.

A-attached or single:

Although the scrapbook nazi breaks out in hives every time I say it, I am attached.

B-best friend:

Hard to believe she is my best friend since I use such derogatory terms (scrapbook nazi) to describe her, but she is.

C-cake or pie:

Pie.

D-day of choice:

The first Saturday in September. Best. Day. Ever. Even when it snows.
EF-essential items:
Books. Toilet paper.
GHI-G-gummy bears or worms
I've heard having worms is unpleasant. I think I'd rather have gummy bears.

J-January or July:

Hmmm, how to decide. The month of my birthday, fireworks, bar-b-ques, parades, pioneers, biking, warmth, sunshine or 31 straight days of freezing my @$$ off. Need more time to think. Pass...

K-kids:

Yep.

LMNO-life would be incomplete without:
The letter e. Then it would only be lif.
P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z-phobia or fears:
I am a man. I fear nothing.
Except maybe getting tagged again.

Wii Love Noelle

2008-03-16T18:23:00.000-07:00

How much do I owe Noelle?

Let's see, she hooked me up with my current job (we worked together at the workplace that shall not be mentioned, or linked to, sorry). That meant moving back to Utah and working for a sweet company--first Logoworks, now HP. And that has worked out very well.

And, just this morning she called to let us know that Target had several wiis in stock and do we want her to pick one up for us, since she was already there?

There's only one answer to that question. Which means someone is going to get a Wii in their easter basket this year. Shhh, don't tell the kids.

Yeah, I'd say we like Noelle quite a bit.

Watch Very Closely...

2008-03-15T22:33:00.000-07:00

Click here to see how observant you are.

Watch out for cyclists.

The Photoscrooge Recipe Book, Part I

2008-03-14T17:12:00.000-07:00

Well, Mrs. Photoscrooge (aka the scrapbook nazi) has been busy posting her very delicious recipes for all to see (don't forget this one). Yep, that is how I eat pretty much all the time. Except those rare occasions when dinner is not on the table after a hard day's work and I'm forced to pull on an apron and get down to business, iron-chef style. Since her recipes have proved to be wildly popular, I thought I would post a few of my own gourmet specialties, starting with this beauty, which I made just the other day. Mmmmm! Click on the photo to enlarge and print for your own recipe box.

Perfectly Reasonable...

2008-03-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

When I was 14 or 15 years old, Jim (I think it was Jim, it might have been Mike) and I walked over to the Swenson's, looking for something to do. It was Saturday, early afternoon. We might have been going over to watch the ABC Wide World of Sports update on the Tour de France. We walked around back and saw Mike holding a hose, squirting off his 18-month old son, Robbie, who was naked and crying. I know what you're thinking, but don't worry--it was summer time or at least late spring, so it's not like the kid was going to freeze.

I don't remember exactly what was said, but the gist of the conversation was that Robbie had pooped in his diaper and needed to be washed off. A perfectly reasonable explanation.

Not sure why I thought of Swenson when I got this photo in my email today...

Travel IQ versus Vocabulary

2008-03-07T17:36:00.000-08:00

Looking for a something to do while avoiding the laundry or not making dinner for your loved ones?

Look no further than Test Your Travel IQ. You try to place a flag on a map for places like Yellowstone Park and East Timor as well as sites like Ben Ben and the Taj Mahal. It's not as easy as it looks.

And if you're not much for maps, but have a decent command of the English language, try Free Rice, where you need to match words to their closest synonyms. It starts out easy, but gets more and more difficult.

The Internet Makes Everything Better

2008-03-05T17:30:00.000-08:00

I love Onion Network News. And I really love their report on how the Internet has made dating so much better for women.

Three Things I Can't Live Without

2008-03-02T18:25:00.000-08:00

Last night, after Mrs. Photo Scrooge (not her real name) went to bed, I was reading the latest copy of Inc Magazine and came across this interesting article: Things I Can't Live Without. It appears to be a running series where a successful business owner talks about a few of the things he/she can't bear living without.

This issue features David Koretz, the successful 28-year-old founder of Blue Tie Software. So what can't a successful software entrepreneur live without? Would you believe a $6000 Panerai Luminor GMT watch, a barcode reader so he'll know exactly when to drink one of his 1000 bottles of wine, and two Roomba automatic vacuums?

Seriously? This what you can't live without?

Let's see, the first three things that come to mind when I think of the things I can't live without are air, water, and food. And if we're moving past the basics, maybe shelter, transportation and a decent job. And maybe a little love (not that kind, get your mind out of the gutter). Although that kind does make an appearance rather high up on the list.

I could probably make a good argument for a new Colnago, a couple thousand shares of Berkshire Hathaway stock and maybe a summer home in the Hebrides. But the fact that I've lived the past 39 years and 7 months without them sort of proves otherwise.

On the other hand, David is right on with what he covets: a Ferrari F430 Spider. Mmmmm. There's a better title for the article: Three Things I Have that My Friends Covet.